overheard at a coffee shop in berkeley, california


I had this case with this guy. He really fucked up. He was violent, he got drunk before the cops came, so they had to restrain him. He was violent at the hospital, they gave him a bill for the things that he destroyed, it was over one thousand dollars! And you know, he had almost killed a woman in the highway. He had this attitude about him, my first impression was: “This guy is a player”.

It was on me, I had to make the choice; do I believe in rehab or do I believe in punishment?

[…] therapy yesterday. I was crying. I can’t describe the part that’s missing but it is. He unpacked it really well.

I asked her, “Is it true? Only 40 hours of jail time?” and she said yes.

I asked her if they had read it to him, the letter that the woman wrote… It was never read to him. He showed up to the next hearing with a super high alcohol blood level, and so now he’s in jail. But in that moment, I was…

I want whatever is gonna help him being a better person. Is it gonna be long jail time? Or is it gonna be being in a fishing boat in Alaska? I don’t know, it’s out of my hands now. But they assure me the letter is going to be read to him, which is relaxing, I’m glad about that.

His attorney showed us his, his Facebook posts, that he had been posting before the incident. In those he talked about trying to get better, about doing something with his life… but of course he didn’t mention the drugs or the alcohol or any of that stuff. That’s not like the real version of a person. But it made me wonder… Who is this guy? … What is he capable of?

I didnt like the idea of him being in a fishing boat in Alaska, because *I* want to be in a fishing boat in Alaska! You’re gonna be there in a retreat in nature with no drugs? After almost having killed a woman? No! Even I can’t afford to go and do that in Alaska!

And there was something that really tipped the balance for me. He was reading this statement, sort of apologizing, and he said “…and I know i could have killed her… or myself”; I really raised my eyebrows at that, I was like “Ooh, you shouldn’t have said that buddy”; who cares about yourself? that’s not what this is about… He was completely selfish, it was sad, he felt like a little kid… but now he’s in jail! and there’s nothing i can do!

For the first time I think I’m starting to feel it…

I think about wanting that person to change, accountability for what they’ve done. That’s what really came out of that Me Too thing. That guy from the coffee shop, Charlie, I told him, ages ago, “You’re going to get in trouble some day”, because he had his hands all over women and stuff. I don’t think he was a bad man, Charlie. I went there the other day, and they’d made this giant sign, calling him a predator, with his home address, and stuff… He has kids! I didn’t think that was right, and I took it down.

But nothing happened to him really. He wrote that letter… He wasn’t really sorry, it was a beautiful letter but he wasn’t really sorry, he was just doing it because… and then he just opened up another restaurant, elsewhere, with a different name.

That’s why think this is good, anyway, because if not, people who make mistakes, the chances of them actually transforming are much lower.

That thing with that guy… There was a moment where I really froze, and it’s only just now I’m starting to process that.

It’s very disconcerting to not feel like myself. There’s things that used to make me, me; like writing a song, or deep connections with people, and now it’s just…

And you know, as much as I don’t like my job, last two weekends, just doing the things that are familiar; coming in, turning on the computer, making tea… those things help.

Fun times! Having fun!

I just kept wondering; Where are my friends? …Who are my friends?

- I’m your friend!

Thank you! […] Anyway, what’s up with you, what’s up with you life?