before, i have this rock inside of me. something black, corroded, built up over years and years; a hardened slab of hatred that weighs heavy and affects my every thought and action. then, there comes an overwhelming sense of agreeableness. i see everything as interconnected, not in a spiritual sense, and not in a scientific sense, but more as an approach, a different possibility in how to perceive the world. when i start making connections that possibly (maybe (probably)) aren't there, something appears in their place regardless.

it is not results that drive me, but passions, interests, desires, afflictions… which can either be explored and embraced or ignored and repressed. the latter is a waste of time, and it isn’t enough to realize this, i have to feel it in every bone of my body; how that black substance, now melting, had been freezing me in place in all aspects of my living life; and it melts away, and in the days after and months since I feel in my soul like all my limbs can twist and turn in myriads of directions that i had thought to have known to be physically impossible before.

i breathe in deeply and i see my heart as a windmill -or rather, a complicated set of wind-powered contraptions- that add, divide, speed up, subtract, slow down and multiply everything i choose to breathe in, ricocheting it all over my body; and i see that my job is to breathe better; to let in air where it wasn't allowed before, and to reach out with all my strength; that this is what i was made to be able to do.